Frying Pan 1, Vampire 0
by Kitsune Foxfire
Summary: Sabo has grown used to his best friend sneaking into his apartment through the window. Ace has been doing it long enough that he doesn't even think about it, honestly, and it's not the strangest thing about Ace anyway. The guy claims to be a vampire, and he's pretty convincing. Maybe he should have mentioned Ace's weird habit to LUFFY though.
1. Enter The Frying Pan

_**Kitsune here with a Halloween treat. I don't think anyone actually saw this on Tumblr….So sad. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I swore I'd never do anything with vampires, but I did.**_

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"It looks like the bleeding has stopped, Luffy. I'm sure Ace will be fine."

"Oh thank God! I thought I had killed your boyfriend!" Luffy wailed.

Sabo felt his cheeks heat up as he snapped, "He's not my boyfriend! Why does everyone keep calling him that?" Ace was just a really great friend! Besides, Sabo was dating someone, even if it was unlikely to become serious. Kohza was a little too rigid for Sabo's taste but they still had good time together.

"Because he _is_! You talk about him a lot and go to the movies and stuff with him, and Zoro said you were dating."

" _Zoro_ should mind his own business." Sabo said with a little heat. He still hadn't forgiven the other for outing him to Luffy as gay… and the rest of the world by proxy, even if the man had thought Luffy knew.

Luffy pouted, but let that drop. "You told Taffy you were seeing someone."

Or so he thought. "I told _Trafalger_ I was seeing someone, yes. _Not_ that I was seeing Ace." He held up his hand, "Who I admit I think is hot but he's too old for me." Besides, Ace was his best friend for all that he had a creepy habit of sneaking into his apartment late at night and making himself at home. At least he'd stopped staring at Sabo while the blond was sleeping. That had been beyond freaky. Stupid….

"Is this about him being a 'Vampire' or whatever lame excuse it was for never sending me a picture?"

"It's not an excuse! He's seriously doesn't photograph well-"

"Neither does Sanji, and you don't see _him_ pretending to be a prince of the undead."

Sabo made a noise of frustration, missing the days when Luffy believed him because he was the big brother. Luffy's friends were a lot more cynical and were obviously protective of his brother's gullible nature. Which he was all for. Just… not against _himself._ "Look. Try and take a picture of Ace with your phone if you don't believe me."

Before Luffy could reply, Ace groaned and sat up, slowly clutching his head. "What 'appened?"

"I hit you with a frying pan when you snuck in the window. "Luffy stated bluntly, snapping a picture with his phone. "Sorry." He said in a tone that was _not_ sorry. At all.

Ace blinked at him. "Right. 'O th' ell ar' ya?"

A blank stare and the thicker than normal accent had the hair on Sabo's neck standing up. "Do you know who I am?"

A shifty look. "Maybe."

"Do you know who _you_ are?"

"Sabo what kind of stupid question is-" Luffy began. Sabo quickly covered his mouth when Ace's eyes lit up.

"I think you might have given him amnesia." Sabo said with a grimace as Luffy licked his palm.

"How would a va-" Sabo cut him off by wiping the slobber off his hand on Luffy's shirt.

"I don't know how, alright? But he doesn't know his name, so…"

"'Course I do!" Ace snapped, glaring at them.

Sabo looked at his friend expectantly while Luffy snapped another photo, pouting at his phone. "Well?"

"It's…." Grey eyes roved around the room before landing on his own tattooed arm, and the undead idiot grinned. "Ace!"

Luffy started to snicker loudly, fingers flying across his phone and Sabo just _knew_ this was going to end up on Twitter.

"Well," He said more than a little hysterically, "That explains why you got your own name on your arm." He supposed it was a relief if that was the case. That meant it _wasn't_ the first time and the vampire would get better soon.

Hopefully.


	2. Always The Possibility Of Explosions

Convincing Ace to stay hadn't been as hard as Sabo expected. Though, if he was honest it might have had something to do with the shifty look on the vampire's face when Luffy had mentioned if Ace wanted to leave they'd have to call for an ambulance… or the cops. Normally Sabo'd have smacked his smartass little brother for even suggesting it, but… the truth of the matter was Ace _had_ broken in, and Sabo had no clue where the other spent his time when he wasn't crashing at his place, so if that's what it took to make sure the idiot was cared for, he'd do it.

Of course, as night turned back into day it became obvious that Ace _still_ didn't remember even the most basic facts about himself and Sabo started to worry. He was reasonably sure that Ace wouldn't exactly burst into flames if he went outside in the daylight, but growing up with _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ and _Dracula_ remakes had him a little bit leary about _testing_ it. Which was a problem, because Ace didn't remember he was _supposed_ to be a creature of the night (his words, not Sabo's) and not into the whole sunshine thing.

"I 'aven't got no reason to stay 'ere!" Ace snapped, trying to push past Sabo once again to get to the door.

"Ace, be reasonable! You've got a head injury!" Sabo shouted back. Probably not the best thing to do considering that very same head injury.

"Ah be bette' off at 'ome then!"

"Alright, _where is home_? Can you tell me that, huh?" Sabo crossed his arms, smirking as Ace scowled. "You can't tell me, can you?"

"Don't wanna."

"Come on, Sabo. Let him go out." Luffy grinned, hanging off the back of the couch as he watched the two of them. "I wanna see if he explodes."

"EY!"

"LUFFY! He's not going to _explode_!" Sabo shouted over Ace. "Spontaneously combust, maybe. But not explode." He muttered to himself, his mind providing a very graphic rendition of that very thing. He shuddered. "Yeah, nope. Sorry, Ace. You're my friend and I can't risk it."

"Yer a loon, is what you are!" The other growled out, but he made no move to approach the door. It might have had something to do with Luffy's oh-so-helpful burning sound effects.

"Look, even if I'm wrong… you'd still be lost on the streets of the city. You could get mugged! Or you might _actually_ have a concussion and pass out somewhere."

Ace pouted, "Might not."

"True. But do you want to risk that? It'd be one thing if you'd gotten a 'tat of a _phone number_ along with your name, or I don't know, an address!"

"Well, if he's been around _forever_ and a day, I bet he's had a lot of homes…. That'd get messy." Luffy helpfully added. "What if they forgot to cross one off?"

Ace threw up his hands, "Yer both nuts. Talking crazy is what you are. Fine, ah'll stay. Buh only till t'night! Tha' work?"

"Well…" Maybe his memory would come back by then? Who was Sabo kidding, that wasn't how his luck was going. Still, it bought him a day to try and figure out what to do beyond locking Ace in a closet and… he blushed, that was a little bit more creepy than he was comfortable with. Even if it _would_ be for Ace's own good. Still, Ace had mentioned once that he was a part of a _family_ of sorts. Which was all sorts of weird and confusing but hey, Sabo's best friend was an immortal dead guy so weird and confusing was kind of par for the course at this point. If he was lucky this family would be able to use some kind of freaky vampire-radar to find the idiot. Vampires could do that, right? They did it in movies…. "Fine. _But_ , you're staying until the sun is _waaaay_ down."

And if there was no change by then? Well, there was always Luffy and his trusty frying pan.


	3. Preferring Dairy Over Blood

"I an't drinking _that_." Ace huffed, crossing his arms and leaning as far back as the rickety kitchenett chair would allow.

Sabo did the best he could to ignore Luffy's snort of amusement. Much like he'd been ignoring the fact his _darling little brother_ was _FILMING_ the fiasco that his weekend had become. Little prick. "Look, I know it's not exactly the freshest, but I got it from the butcher's last week, and it's perfectly fine."

"So you didn't rob a blood drive?" Luffy giggled.

"No I didn't, you idiot. It's _pig's_ blood."

Ace honest to God _shuddered_ at that before pushing his chair so far back it screeched on the laminate flooring. "Ah think 'm gonna be _sick_."

Sabo stared at him in shock as Ace actually took off for the bathroom, making very convincing gagging sounds. Frowning in confusion he sniffed the blood. It didn't smell rancid or anything, and he had heated it exactly how Ace had taught him, even. "I don't get it…" He sighed, pouring the thick liquid down the sink and following it with water before opening the fridge and putting away the tupperware soup container full of the stuff. Listening to the sound of Ace definitely being ill didn't take away from the fact that _Sabo_ was starving. He pulled out the pound of American cheese and mayo. "Lu, can you get the bread, please?"

"Yeah… Hey Sabo, you ever hear of a _vampire_ who gets sick at the sight of blood?" Luffy teased lightly.

"Har har, very funny. It's probably just the head trauma." He muttered to himself, quickly slapping together two thick cheese sandwiches. "What do you wanna drink? He asked, turning to put the makings away while Luffy carried both sandwiches to the table. Most likely hoping to eat _both_ of them, the little glutton.

"Milk please." Sabo hid his smile in the fridge. Sometimes his brother was such a _kid_.

He'd just turned to get the glasses down, because milk did sound good right now, when Ace came back into the room. "Ah, my favorite. Knew ya just messin' wid me." Both brothers watched as Ace practically inhaled the one cheese sandwich before moving on to the other.

Luffy turned to stare at him, wide eyes full of questions. Sabo could only shrug as Ace helped himself to the milk as well. Honestly he was at a loss at what to think. As far as he knew vampire's couldn't _eat_ like normal not-dead people. But, if he thought about it, Ace had never confirmed it one way or the other. He'd _seen_ the other drinking blood, though. Ok, granted it was always pig as far as Sabo knew, but it was still _blood…_. Which was sold at the butchers for things like blood pudding, some soups, and even blood wine….

Had….

Had Ace been screwing with him this whole time?


	4. Kidnapping Between Friends

"Don't let him get to the door, Luffy!" Sabo shouted as he just missed catching Ace. The man was damn fast for someone who was supposedly dead. If Sabo had been a second slower the other would have been out the window and gone into the night. Now, if he would have survived the three story drop was another matter Sabo didn't want to dwell on too long. Ace had a hard head as Luffy had proven already last night.

"I got him!" Luffy shouted with unwarranted glee as he threw himself on Ace's back. As a method of stopping the man it wasn't very effective. Especially since Ace apparently new some kind of ninja bullshit and _threw_ Luffy over his shoulder into the door with a resounding thud.

For a moment silence reigned in the small apartment. Sabo started forward, worried for his brother when the teen let out a laugh. "Ha! Now what you gonna do? I'm blocking the door, dummy." Luffy taunted as he lay there with his feet in the air and his head on the floor like that had been his plan all along. Then again knowing Luffy it could have been.

"You….you're all crazy." Ace stammered, backing away from the door to look between the two brothers who had been chasing him around the confines of the apartment for the last hour. " _Both_ of you. You kidnapped me, didn't ya? 'N now y' won't let me leave. Crazy talking like 'm some… _vampire_ er something! I-"

A knock that was more of a bang cut Ace's rant off just before he got to shouting. Before Sabo could suggest to his brother that answering the door right now might not be the _best_ idea the little shit already had it wide open. "Hi!" Luffy chirped, not faltering even when faced with eyes that practically glowed in the dim hallway lighting.

"Hello there little one. Would you mind if we…. Came in?" The shorter of the two at the door asked, lip twitching at some private joke.

Of course Luffy had the survival instincts of a well loved labrador puppy, which is to say none, and welcomed the _complete_ _strangers_ into Sabo's home. "Sure, come on in. Hey, how did you get your hair to look like a loaf of bread?"

"Why don't I show you?" The strange man said with a smile that set Sabo's instincts screaming.

Before he could do anything, Ace was there between his brother and the other man. " _Don't touch him._ " He practically hissed. Correction, he _did_ hiss.

The stranger blinked, strange feeling of animosity vanishing as he smiled. " Aw, would you look at that? Widdle Acey's all protective over them, Marco."

"Well you did say that his… _friend_ lived here." The other replied, sleepy looking eyes passing over the room with little interest.

"Eh, but there's a difference between being friends with sheep, and well... being _friends._ "

"Hey!" Luffy protested indignantly. "I think he just insulted us, Sabo."

Which was true, but… "Shut up, Luffy."

"Smart." The blond one called Marco offered a predatory grin before walking over to Ace and _sniffing_ him. He then sighed. "You, Ashton, are a real pain in my ass."

"Hey-!"

"Hit his head again, didn't he?" Thatch laughed. "What, you fall asleep climbing out the window and hit your head on the way down this time? Or maybe you got smacked by a trolly-"

"Car. They're called cars, Thatch."

"Not watching where you were going. Huh brat?"

Ace just glared at them.

"Well? Answer, pup." Marco's eyes seemed to get just a little bit brighter.

"...Luffy hit me with a frying pan."

For once his brother did the smart thing, finally catching on to the danger. He put up both hands, "He was sneaking in the window in the middle of the night! How was I supposed to know he wasn't some creepy pervert/burglar or something."

There was a beat before both of the strange men Sabo was pretty damn sure _were definitely vampires because hello glowing eyes and scary as fuck_ laughed. "Oh man, that has to be the best yet. You're okay, kiddo." Thatch grinned, flashing teeth that were too long. He looked over at Sabo who swallowed nervously. "You must be Sabo, aye? The pup's told me about you. All good things, of course."

"Uh, that's nice?"

"We're not going to eat you, brat." Marco smirked at him, even as his hand shot out and caught Ace who had been trying to back away. "When this little shit didn't come home this morning, we figured he'd be here. But when the sun set and he still didn't come home…"

"I swear I wasn't keeping him against his will...ok I was but, like… I don't know where he-you- _live_ \- or nest or whatever! Plus, like, he could have gotten mugged and- oh _God_ , he really is a… you guys are…. How is this my _life?!_ " Sabo ended on a wail, ignoring both Luffy's snickering and Ace's affronted look.

Marco let out an honest to goodness laugh. "This one _I_ like." He shook Ace when the other let out a grumbling hiss. "Relax, pup. Your friend is safe. Now let's get you home and put to rights."

"Will… will he be okay?" Sabo couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah, after we get some blood into him and let him rest up for a day he'll be right as rain." Thatch said easily.

"Good luck. _Sabo_ tried and the big baby ran away puking." Luffy snickered.

"Oh, it won't be us who makes him. Oyaji will." Marco replied. "He might be our fledgling, but he's a stubborn shit when this happens. Oyaji knows how to deal with him by now." For all that it kind of sounded like a threat, Sabo was relieved.

"He's stubborn _all the time,_ really. I'm just glad he's going to be alright." He smiled in relief as the three vampires left through the door, a novel experience for Sabo. "Though I think I'll be giving him my spare key. Just in case." Because he sure as hell didn't want a repeat of this weekend any time soon.

"Awww giving your _boyfriend_ a key-!" Luffy let let out a yell as Sabo dove after him.

" _He's not my boyfriend!_ " He was his best friend.

His _vampire_ best friend.


	5. Epilogue

"Drink, Ashton. Don't make me get Oyaji involved again." A glass of very viscous blood was thrust under his nose and Ace pushed it away.

"No offense, but I'm not drinking your rank ass blood, Marco." He said, glaring with no heat at a luminous pair of blue eyes.

"You back with us, pup?" Well, _that_ was never a good sign. His face must have given something away because Marco was grinning at him with all the indulgence of an older sibling for all that the man was _technically_ one of his makers. "To answer the question you don't want to ask, just for two days. And no, you didn't hurt anyone." Marco said, pressing the glass into Ace's hand.

Pouting, he looked over at Thatch who was standing in the doorway. The man just grinned back, all teeth. "I've told you before that you need to take better care of yourself, pup. How long has it been since your last feeding? And I'm not talking about that cold pigs blood crap you chug down."

"Not _that_ long! Maybe a few weeks…. Two months, tops." The younger vampire muttered, drinking the fresh blood mixed with that of his maker. It tasted nasty, but it was the surest way to get them to stop hovering.

"Well," Thatch sighed, "That's better at least."

"Ashton," Marco said, poking him between the eyes. Ace _hated_ that name and the other knew it. "You're _very_ lucky your…. _Friend_ …." Marco's face twitched at that, "was there with his brother."

Ace bit his lip, slightly worried. Marco and Thatch were _really_ progressive for older vampires for the most part. Except for the whole 'being friends with humans' thing. Not that he _blamed_ them…. They'd been alive through the Crusades and had lost family to those they'd _thought_ were their friends. So as far as they were concerned, humans fell into three categories, sheep - humans that were basically ignored, lambs - blood donors who were usually related to the family in some way, and hopefuls - those that they were considering changing. They didn't understand how Ace could be _friends_ with a human and not want to change him, _or_ feed off him.

"Shit, Luffy was there? I bet I made a _wonderful_ first impression."

"Well, apparently he thought you were a perverted burglar at first." Thatch laughed, "Cute kid, brave. I can see why you like him."

"Actually, I've never even talked to him." Ace admitted easily, "But Sabo talks about him all the time."

"Ah yes. Sabo." Marco cut in, "He handled the situation admirably." That was high praise from Marco.

"I told you he was a great guy!" Ace grinned back, "I totally owe him an apology, though. Bet he freaked out…. Man, this is gonna be a bitch to explain…" Especially since as a vampire only a few centuries old he was bound by his maker's rules. Which meant he couldn't really _tell_ Sabo anything beyond him being a vampire - and that had more been him confirming what Sabo had said in jest. Marco was watching him carefully, and after a moment he noticed Thatch was as well. "What? Did I have a bad episode while I was….er… out?"

"No, thank Oyaji for that." Thatch sighed. "But you're _ordered_ to report to Oyaji once a week for your feeding." Well… that wasn't completely unexpected, even if it made him feeling like a fresh fledgling all over again. Marco was still looking at him, though.

"I-" Thatch coughed, "We- spoke to Oyaji. If your… Sabo…. wishes, Oyaji is willing to consider him as a hopeful."

Ace was touched. Really, it was an amazing offer, and if Sabo _hadn't_ been one of his best friends he'd have jumped all over it. "Thanks, but… he'd never go for it. Not with his little brother to look after. It's just the two of them, and he'd never forgive me."

The other two nodded, understanding. Family always came first, and they would respect that. But the very offer _did_ mean that Ace would be able to share more about _his_ world.

Tomorrow night was gonna be _fun_.


End file.
